A Tiny Piece of Sunshine

Obviously we all had our finger and toes crossed!  Casper seems to be a tiny bit better.  Just a little.  He doesn’t seem to be tilting his head as much.  He’s come out of the closet.  Literally.  And he was able to get up onto a small box and get down without falling!  It might just be a Christmas miracle!!  In July.  He also doesn’t seem to be as drooly either.  So I will increase his food tomorrow.  Just a tiny bit.  Let’s still keep our fingers crossed.  I don’t want to jinx it!

…It Pours!

I brought mom to the hospital.  She has another absess.  Big fucking surprise!!  Why am I not a doctor?!  Oh yeah, that’s right, cause I was a loser who dropped out of college.  If only I knew then what I know now.  Isn’t that the way it always is?!  They kept her at the hospital for a week and a half and then shipped her off back to me.  She is now on IV antibiotics for another four weeks.  Oh joy!  One more thing fo rme to keep track of.  Sometimes I wonder how I keep everything all straight.  I am a huge burnout you know.  But enough about mom….

Corky is a fucking mess!!!  I ended up having to bring him down to Cornell University!  The regular vet didn’t know what was wrong with him.  The emergency vet didn’t know what was wrong with him.  The poor guy is barely walking around in a straight line.  He is falling over constantly.  And he’s not eating.  The vets at Cornell said that he has an inner ear infection.  It’s not something you can see from the outside.  They gave him some antibiotics and sent him back to me a day and a grand later!  I had to bring him back again two days later cause he still wasn’t eating.  How can he properly fight this infection without any nutrition?!  I saw a different vet.  He suggested an MRI since Corky has never had any problems with his ears in the past.  He thought that maybe there was something bigger going on.  There isn’t.  Just a massive middle/inner ear infection.  They put a feeding tube in him.  Poor guy.  Now he’s home with two antibiotics, one anti-fungal and an anti-nausea medication.  What a fucking mess!  And I have to give him his meds and feed him through this tube!  That’s super tiny by the way.  I can only push 1ML through the tube per minute!  And I have to feed him every four hours!  WTF Corky!!!  He has met his cap on the amount of money that will be spent treating this nonsense, so these antibiotics better work.  Cause I’m going to feel really really bad for putting a cat down for a stupid ear infection.  So let’s keep our fingers crossed.  And maybe our toes too for good measure.

And again… Seriously Sara?!  WTF!!! Who does that?!  How do you sleep at night?!

When It Rains….

If the normal nonsense isn’t enough…

Over the holiday weekend we were informed that my little sister Sara married Carl!  She didn’t invite anyone from her family, but all of his family was there.  My mother is devastated!  I am pissed!  WTF?!  There’s nothing else I can say about that.

Yesterday I had to take Corky to the vet for his rabies shot and he was a total drama queen!  He got himself so worked up while we were there that he was dry heaving and foaming from the mouth!  Seriously?!  After we got home I didn’t see him for the rest of the night.  Then I didn’t see him all at today till around dinner time and he was walking around like he was drunk.  If he shook his head he would fall over.  Why today are you being a drunk ass Corky?!  Mom has been getting worse everyday too.  The infection is back!  She’s yelling out crazy nonsense like “They’re coming to get me!”  and “They’ve got me!”.  Now I have to take Corky back to the vet to see what’s wrong with him while I leave my crazy mom home alone yelling at nothing.  The vet doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. They gave him fluids and sent him on his way.  After he drooled again being a drama queen.  Mom is still being super crazy.  We are going to the hospital tomorrow morning.  Hopefully Corky will be doing a little better by then.  I am supposed to be trying to stay stress free while Lee Lee and I are in the process of making a baby.  As you can see that’s going really well.

Seriously Sara?!!!!  Who does that?!

Update

I don’t even remember the last time I posted anything new.  I suck and I obviously don’t finish things that I start.  Since the last time… Mom had been back in the hospital and is back home now.  She is always whining and I need to do something about it or someone will find me hanging from the rafters in the basement!  I have officially quit smoking cigarettes!!! It has been 21 days and I only know that cause I just looked at the calendar and counted the days.  I am so over it!  I am now an ex-smoker, which are the worst kind (cause we’re jealous).  I bought a new car (leased) so it doesn’t smell like a dirty cigarette.  I am a member of two different gyms now.  My guns are getting bigger by the day.  I don’t eat as many donut holes anymore either.  Lee Lee and I are going to be taking a vacation this summer for my 30th birthday and I can’t wait!  We are also working a making a baby.  That’s that.  Now you’re all caught up! 

Good Shit

I’m not sure if I’ve told you that my mother is fucking crazy!  Random weird shit comes flying out of her mouth all the time.  Always.  We have recently switched one of her antidepressants and she came back to life!  She’s a feisty, lippy and demanding woman now.  She’s awake a lot more now, which cuts into my down time, but that’s fine.  Turns out the crazy lady can be funny sometimes.  Anyways… back to the story I’m trying to tell here.  I’m getting her ready for bed just moments ago.  Normal routine.  Make sure the phones and remote are in the right order (I think I might know where my OCD comes from), fill up two glasses of water and turn her bi-pap machine on.  She checks her cell phone battery and realizes the phone needs to be charged.  She hands me the phone as I reach down to grab the cord.  I stand up and start to plug in the charger just as we both discover that she has her mouth wide open waiting to be plugged in to charge!  When she realized what she doing she started laughing so hard that she could have pissed herself!  We were geeking out!!!  A laugh so hard that you can’t stop until you’re crying.  It was great!!!  It reminded me of when earlier this week I went to pour her a glass of water and I wasn’t even holding the water jug!  Another good hard laugh!  I can’t believe that there’s no one in charge of us!  I’m not sure if this post makes any sense… I’m a little drunk and that shit was funny!  I couldn’t wait until tomorrow… I’ll probably forget it by then.

We’ve Got A Bleeder!!!

I washed up mom just now, as I do everyday.  Part of that includes changing the dressings on any wounds that she might have.  Right now she has a wound on the side of her belly that needs to be packed so it can heal from the inside out.  It is changed twice a day.  About half an inch under the wound is a little spot that requires very little attention.  It looks like maybe the tape was ripped off and some skin came with it.  I just don’t put tape on it.  I cover it with gauze and then tape the whole thing down.  No big deal.  Until today.  I take the tape off the area and BAM!  There is blood pouring out!!!  It looks like I’ve just hit an artery!  Mom is on blood thinners so here comes the blood.  On the outside I’m cool as a cucumber.  On the inside I’m fucking freaking out!!  I’m getting ready to yell “We need two units of O-Negative STAT!“.  There are these sticks that look like long matches that doctors use to stop bleeding called silver nitrate sticks.  They act similar to matches and burn the area to stop the bleed.  I call them “Magic Sticks”.  On more than one occasion I have wished for these sticks to be in my possession.  Today was one of those times.  Again, I’m cool as a cucumber on the outside.  In my head my thoughts can’t move fast enough to get out of the other thoughts way.  Do I call the home nurse?!  What is he/she going to do that I’m not?!  Does he/she have some of those magic sticks?!  I doubt it.  Am I really going to have to bring her back up to the hospital for this?!  By this time I have already gone through three packages of gauze pads and it’s not slowing down!  And when I say “gone though”, I mean soaked!  Damn the blood thinners!  WTF?!  Five minutes goes by.  How long am I supposed to wait?  Am I applying enough pressure?  Then finally it starts to slow down!  Praise the monkeys!  (I praise monkeys because I’m not a huge believer in Jesus and it makes my friend Jenna laugh.)  Now that everything is back to normal I can stop having my little mini panic attack in my head and relax.  I think I need a nap now!  So if anybody is wondering what to get me for Christmas… I want some Magic Sticks!

My Toenails Hurt!!!

When that man died in the park so did my enthusiasm for running and anything else that is good for me.  I’m a loser.  I’m a smoker again and I’m lazy.  It was a good three weeks.  I would say that I tried, but obviously I didn’t try very hard.  It’s hard to get out of a slump you’ve been in for so long. 

To help me get out of my slump I participated in the Hometown Run with my best good sister Darla and my best good brother Jake.  I invited our other two siblings but they are bad and did not join us.  Big surprise!  We did not run!  We walked the whole five miles in a little over an hour.  Not bad for two smokers.  Jake has a bad back and knees and still made it through while smoking of course.  It was funny to see a man in jeans and smoking while everyone around us is running in spandex!  I did run for three blocks so I could go to my favorite corner store to get some water for my bitches.  I would have waited for a water stop but we were only a mile into the race and I was dying of thirst.  It would have been easier if the people who designed the race brought us right past the store, but who am I and what do I know?!  On more than one occasion I had to run a little to catch up with my best good siblings.  Damn them and their long legs.  They have six inches on me and I swear it’s all in the legs!  Finally about three miles in I told them that I couldn’t keep up with them and their legs. Darla turns around and says “It’s not our fault our dad’s taller than yours!”.  We all laughed, but that didn’t stop their long legs from making me run every couple of blocks to catch up.  My nephew (Darla’s son) ran the race and then turned around and ran back to meet up with us around mile three to walk back with us.  Damn he’s fast!  My family is so fucked up.  At one point Jake looks at my nephew Zeke and asked him ”Hey Zeke, are you slamming anything?!”.  Asking the poor boy if he’s dating/sleeping with anyone.  I know Zeke is used to the crude behavior from his parents, but now his uncle?!  Poor Zeke. 

I have decided to get back into the swing of exercising, but I will need to wait a couple of days.  I got home from the race and my legs were like jello.  Then a couple of hours passed and then my legs hurt and then my toenails!  My fucking toenails hut!!!  I’m not sure why.  They’re not too long.  My shoes aren’t too tight.  Im a fucking mess!  I am old!  And today the sides of my butt hurt where they meet my legs.  So as soon as I can get up and walk normally without grimacing I will start moving  my ass to reduce the size of my muffin top and love handles!

Thank you Darla and Jake for a wonderful walk!

Dead Man in the Park

Today was a super spooky day.  I will start with going to get fingerprinted, even though that’s not how my day started.  I am getting a new part time job that requires me to have my back ground checked and fingers printed.  I drove to this location that is not a police station.  I was driving around the parking lot and I couldn’t find anything that looked like an entrance.  This place was massive.  Big brown brick building that was built a million years ago that I’m guessing you just orb into.  I drove down to the lower lot and see this paper sign hung up on a post that says “Main Entrance” with an arrow.  Still no visable entrance.  I parked my car and started walking.  There were a ton of cars, but it was like a ghost town.  I get inside and am instantly scared.  It’s like a Stephen King movie in there!  Long hallways that lead to nowhere.  There was a few people that I saw, but they seemed to be in slow motion!  I couldn’t wait to get out of there.  I have never been so freaked out!

I let Chiquita outside this morning at 8:45.  She usually comes back in within the hour either cause she’s bored or hungry.  Two hours goes by and she never came back in.  I grabbed her little bell toy thing and went out looking for her.  Nothing.  I dicked around some more inside and went back out another hour later.  Nothing.  I went to go get fingerprinted and came back to look some more.  This time I went out with treats cause I knew that bitch had to be hungry by now.  Nothing.  Wait!  Maybe something.  Was that her crying?!  I looked everywhere.  WTF?!  Then I saw her out of the corner of my eye.  She in a tree about 15 feet up!  Great.  My neighbor Dan came over to help me, but we couldn’t get her down.  By now she’s been stuck up there for at least four hours!  I called my brother Rich and he came over after work and had her down in less than a minute.  Praise Jesus!  It’s a Christmas miracle!  She is so grounded for the rest of the day!

I caught the bug!  Damn Darla and her bugs!  I went running this morning up at the track at my old high school.  I didn’t run very far.  Half a mile to be exact.  Please don’t laugh at me.  I also ran up the stairs and back down twice.  I think the stairs killed me more than the plain ole running.  Speaking of killing… something killed a man at the park next to the track!  Maybe it was a heart attack.  Maybe it was poor balance.  I don’t know what it was.  I was running along and I noticed an ambulance pulling up.  WTF?!  I’m still running here people… it’s a little premature!  Then I notice a man on the ground over on the playground and a woman kneeling above him giving him CPR.  The paramedics finally get over to the dying man and the next thing I know they’re getting the paddles out!  Seriously?!  This man is dying right here right now?!  I didn’t stick around to see the outcome.  But I’m pretty sure that there’s a dead man in the park!  And that’s how my day started!  I should have known right then that today was not going to be easy.    

 

I GOT BEAT BY A MAN WITH NO LEGS!!!

I ran my very first run this morning with my best good sister Darla!  I didn’t sleep very well at all last night.  I was too busy thinking about the run.  My nerves were out of control!  I had to take Imodium before we left the house so I wouldn’t shit all over myself.  While running I thought I was going to puke the two ounces of orange juice I drank three hours earlier.  There was about 125 runners, which Darla said was not much at all;but I don’t like crowds, so that was about 125 too many people in one place!  After everybody started running and left us in the dust I was much better.  I don’t know exactly how long it was before I took my first walking break, but I think it was about half a mile!  I did not finish in last place!!!!!!!!  That’s the best news ever!  I did not win a prize.  I got beat by a 70 year old man, but I beat a 60 year old lady!  And let me just remind you… I just quit smoking 8 days ago!  Yes, that ‘s right, smoke free for over a week now!!!!!  We met a man who wore what appeared to be water shoes that looked like mittens.  It was crazy.  He was super nice and took one of them off to show me.  And the funniest part of the run… the part you all have been waiting for… I got beat my a man with no legs!  Seriously!  He did have legs, but they were useless to him.  He was in a wheelchair.  He was chunky too.  It was supposed to be a flat course, but it was not.  One hill.  Big hill.  It didn’t look like he was going to make it.  I actually stopped for a second thinking I should help him up the hill.  Some other lady got to him first and he told her that he wanted to do it on his own.  Good for him I thought.  But never in a million years did I think he’d make it up to the top.  Well he did!  And then he beat me by 7 minutes!!!

It was a good run with my best good sister.  Not a bad way to spend your Sunday morning!

Smokeless Weenie

I can’t believe I haven’t posted anything in a month!  Where does the time go?!  I have great news…

I have been smoke free for a day and a half now!!!  I am participating in a 5k in six days and that day was supposed to be my first day as a non smoker.  I was cutting down and getting lower and lower every day, except that I kept cheating!  Hey, at least I’m honest about cheating!  I was cheating so I decided to just stop.  I had my last cigarette at 6pm on Saturday.  I’ve been a tiny bit  a lot  tiny bit cranky.  I need to start training now for my run next weekend.  It seems as though I have replaced cigarettes with food.  Big surprise!  So, by training I mean not eating all day and night so I will be able to move my fat ass on run day!  Wish me luck!